“Of Woman Born” A response by Phanesia Pharel
“There is much to suggest that the male mind has always been haunted by the force of the idea of dependence on a woman for life itself, the son’s constant effort to assimilate, compensate for, or deny that he is “of woman born.”
This quote stood out to me for many reasons. When watching the entire canon of literary work it seems that humanity is haunted by the woman. From the role of Eve in the Bible as an evil seductress who is punished through motherhood, to the entire genre of film noir, it is clear that men are scared. One of my favorite lines of a Kehlani song, a queer biracial singer, who with no doubt has been inspired by Shange is “And I know every man has a fear of a strong-minded woman, but I say she’s a keeper if she keeps it all runnin.” And although, I agree with this quote and I feel that men in many of my personal interactions have tried to make me smaller out of fear of the power I possess as a dark-skinned black lavender goddess. The complexity of trans men being able to, and having given birth is one we must remember. Not every “female” body is one that holds a woman. This entire article is overwhelmingly cis, and even within Ntozake’s work, I question how trans and nonbinary individuals feel about the portrayal of womanhood. I also understand that not every literary source needs to be relatable to every person.
“Terms like “barren” or “childless” have been used to negate any further identity. The term “nonfather” does not exist in any realm or social categories.
I remember as a child, my parents whoa re still married were separated at one point. My father told me frankly that he felt he lost a part of his life marrying my mother. My father, who at this point had left me at home for months, was absent and had a life of his own from my perspective. While my mother was tethered to me, and although I faced abandonment by both of my parents. My father has never been blamed for anything that has gone wrong in our lives from my extended family. Growing up, I expected nothing but the worst of men. When I was thirteen, I attended my friend Hilda’s birthday party and I could tell her father was a good man who loved her mother dearly. I immediately romanticized this man and in the future any man who did the bare minimum of what was expected of a woman. I have slowly learned that by watching women like my mother, like myself with PCOS and other conditions that make childbirth difficult how little respect we truly have for women. For men, they are not vessels of childbirth. That’s just a fact. But women? We are USELESS until we succumb to being baby makers. This speech by Tracee Ellis Ross was a moment where I realized I might not want to have children, I might not ACTUALLY want to get married, or base my value on these things. And it’s really hard and confusing to ask these questions. I am going to pull this back to Shange, from one of my favorite moments of “For Colored Girls”.
FOR COLORED GIRLS EXCERPT
“but bein alive & bein a woman & bein colored is a metaphysical
dilemma/ i havent conquered yet/ do you see the point
my spirit is too ancient to understand the separation of soul & gender/ my love is too delicate to have thrown back on my face
my love is too delicate to have thrown back on my face
my love is too beautiful to have thrown back on my face
my love is too sanctified to have thrown back on my face
my love is too magic to have thrown back on my face
my love is too Saturday nite to have thrown back on my face
my love is too complicated to have thrown back on my face
my love is too music to have thrown back on my face”
The first time I heard this I cried. I thought about all the love I offer people and how so often I don’t feel there are people there who care for me. In connection to Tracee’s words (which are straight lineage from Shange, I mean cmon shes a trained actress from Brown), I think “My life is my own” and “My love is too/ to be thrown back in my face” all connect to the same thing. Loving ourselves, recognizing our worth and doing the demanding work of taking care of ourselves. I started in one place and I resulted in another. Please bear with me, its how my mind works and a sign of growth I think. This week has been a helpful reminder. Thank you so much. I am so excited to discuss all of this.