to see & be seen — reflections on Gardiner and Brown’s revival of for colored girls

“make sure you have eye contact Brianna!”

“what are you looking at?”

“okay, can you look at me?”

“yeah, I’ve noticed that you don’t look directly in people’s eyes.”

Hi everyone,

My name is Brianna Johnson, and I am an actress who finds it difficult to maintain eye contact. Why…? you may wonder. I haven’t taken the time to truly interrogate this anxiety in depth, but I know it definitely has to do with an anxiety around fully connecting to another person in space. In a medium like Theatre, I’ve quickly realized this anxiety doesn’t bode well during rehearsals and performances. Thus, I’ve learned to dedicate some of that anxiety I hold around actually connecting with my scene partners into actually leaning into connecting with my scene partners. However, it is no simple act or one that I am always comfortable with. As my training and experiences in acting progress, its become easier and I’ve realized an important thing about the foundational aims of Theatre.

For me, the Theatrical Space should offer people the opportunity “to see” &/or “be/feel seen”. I am only interested in theatrical work that can allow people to expand their worldviews with variegated experiences and or provide a space for folks (both actors and audience members) to feel represented. Shange’s for colored girls who have considered suicide/when the rainbow is enuf as a piece of Theatre is premised on this ability “to see” various Black femme experiences and provide a space for black women to “be/feel seen” or as Shange states in for colored girls “somebody/ anybody sing a black girl’s song bring her out to know herself.” for colored girls came into my life at a time where I was incredibly disillusioned with college theatre and its Eurocentric foundations and not only redefined my view of what Theatre could be, but affirmed to me my right of belonging within that space. Everytime I revisit this text, I discover something new about it and something new about my relationship to it.

Thus, to SEE this work in action—outside of performing within it—was an experience that I knew would be enormous for me. Walking out of the Public Theatre on that night of October 17th, 2019, the one word that kept returning to my mind was intentional. I could honestly talk about how obviously intentional and collaborative the directing, casting, characterization, choreography, lighting, sound, and costuming among other production elements was, FOR HOURS ON END. However, we do not have the time or word count for my extensive review of this play. What I will say is that the most striking part of this play, outside of the wonderful casting, was the way that the actresses utilized eye contact within their deliverance of the lines. As an actress, I am cognizant of the power that eye contact can have in really raising the stakes of a theatrical moment. However, to experience this as AN AUDIENCE member in a production of for colored girls was such a striking experience for me. Sitting on the stage, I was afforded the experience to hold eye contact with almost all if not all of the colored women for at least 2 seconds, and it was in those moments that I saw and felt seen in a Theatre but in a different way. In their choice to hold direct eye-contact with me, I found our personal identities as performer and audience member to disappear for a couple of moments and instead we were just two humans, two Black girls connecting– seeing each other for who we are and who we can be for a couple of moments. These moments of intimacy between the colored women and myself, compounded with the experience of seeing the choreopoem play out as an audience member for the first time, emphasized to me not only what Theatre can be but in my opinion should be: “a place to see & be/feel seen.”

It still can be uncomfortable for me to hold eye contact with folks in my daily and Theatrical life. However, with this experience in mind I know the impact that something as simple as eye-contact can do for an audience member’s experience of the show.