Archives & Remembering Shange

I wanted to take some time to honor Ntozake Shange and her memory by discussing my experience with the Shange archives. Prior to exploring her archives, I didn’t have a concrete understanding of what the purpose and history of archiving was. Not only did the Shange archive give me that understanding, but it also brought me closer to Shange and her work.

My favorite thing in the archive is her journals. As someone who frequently journals, I understand how personal and vulnerable it is to share what you journaled about with another person. That’s why I was surprised to learn that Barnard had some of her journals.

I am thankful to Shange for allowing us into her personal thoughts and feelings. In her journal, on March 1, 2000, Shange writes, “Even though I took my medicine and paid my bills, I still feel really shaky & anxious. Talked to mama . . .”

This page stood out to me because I sometimes deal with the same emotions that Shange dealt with. It’s even more frustrating when I do everything that I am supposed to, everything from cleaning my room to fulfilling my extracurricular and academic activities, and still feel anxious. It’s hard to talk about these feelings, but because Shange so openly shared her feelings with us, it makes me feel more comfortable opening up.

In the same entry, Shange writes, “I think I did the syllabus wrong, not putting enough material for each session. But I’ll see tomorrow. I didn’t work on the novel today, either.”

It’s clear to see that she is dealing with doubt, anxiety, and an inability to work. When I looked at when her work was published, nothing was published the year she wrote this journal entry. The work she published after this journal entry was in 2003, three years after the entry. The works are titled Ellington Was Not a Street and Daddy Says.

Another thing that I found interesting was that she changed from a black pen to a blue pen in the middle of her entry. I thought this was interesting because she changed the pen in the middle of a sentence and it doesn’t look like the black pen was running out of ink when she switched it. The more entries I read, the more I want to understand where she wrote what she wrote, what time of day she wrote it, and every other detail.

The more I explore Shange’s archives, the more I want to read her work. I feel closer to Shange and her work more than any other author. Even though I am deeply saddened that she passed away, it makes me happy to know her memory will live on through the archives.   

Photos of Shange’s journal entries.