Wow. This week has been tough, very often on weeks like this I read For Colored Girls.
And I feel a little bit better.
The first time I saw For Colored Girls, I was at my states thespian festival and it really changed my life. I became obsessed with it, auditioned with monologues from it, and read it all the time. When I first saw it I felt so many things…I wanted to JUMP on the stage and perform these roles that felt so close to my heart, I wanted to scream (still do), and I dreamed of writing something so beautiful. There are too many passages in For Colored Girls that speak to me it almost feels like I have a personal relationship with the writer.
Lately, I have considered why I put energy into people being nice to me when half the time I just get demonized for being dark, poor and “nice”. Lately, I have been questioning why I am so nice to people who are actively ruining the lives of others without so little as a bat of the eye. In rereading “For Colored Girls” this poem JUMPED OUT OF THE ASHES and snatched my wig.
“i usedta live in the world
really be in the world
free & sweet talkin
good mornin & thank-you & nice day
uh huh
i cant now
i cant be nice to nobody
nice is such a rip-off
regular beauty & a smile in the street
is just a set-up”
Because here’s the thing. I cannot separate my experience from Shange’s work and in these posts. It’s just too hard and if its too much Professor Hall please let me know. When I read this poem I think about the men who have projected violence onto me despite my kindness. I think about a lot of people who I have been nice to and have used it as an excuse to tear me down…and I am not alone.
When they have no real critique they tell us we aren’t being nice enough. Look at Serena, she is arguably the greatest tennis player of all time and her reputation was placed on the line for not being “nice” enough. For not being respectable. But I’m sure Serena was nice when she almost lost her life because the medical industry continuously ignores black women.
I have been told to watch what I say, from my parents to my teachers and even mentors. If I say the wrong thing it could come back to hurt me in the form of a career. But my silence on the abuse of others is retroactively hurting others and the silence and “kindness” of black women is the same.
Here’s an idea:
Being nice should include not trapping women, trans and non binary folxs in a system set to place them at the bottom.
Being nice should mean caring about the planet and not giving up on saving it and ending world hunger and exploitation.
Being NICE should be having a world where black women don’t have to take a class about a playwright they connect to on many levels but the base of it being able to vocalize a trauma that they may have not had the experience to in unsafe spaces.
Here’s a video of Lorde explaining why she doesn’t smile. She has faced immense misogyny and serves as a vehicle of rage for young women. We stan!!
I am so excited to talk about this play. So thankful for this class.
